A World Book Day recommended read

It’s World Book Day next Thursday (March 4th).  Have you had the letter from school to take home telling you there’ll be a voucher for a £1 book? If so, did  your Mum roll her eyes and go: ‘What? Again? We’ve still got the one from last year.’ Hope not!

World Book Day is great. If you’re dead lucky, like the kids at Erdlington Hall Primary in Birmingham or Cotgrave and Dayncourt Schools in Nottingham you’ll be having that most awesome of events: AN AUTHOR VISIT FROM A REAL LIVE AUTHOR WHO ISN’T DEAD OR ANYTHING AND I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING after which life will never be quite the same again.

The least you can expect on WBD is that you’ll be asked to dress up as a character from a book. This is where female teachers start foraging at home for their pointy hats so they can be Winne the Witch for the eighth year running.  Blokes tend not to bother at all. ‘What are you dressed up as, Sir?’ (In my imagination, all children address male teachers as ‘Sir’. See: A Kestrel for a Knave by Barry Hines for literary references to this) . ‘What are you dressed up as, Sir?’ asks the Year Four boy, resplendent in fake beard, over-sized pale blue cotton shirt (belted at the waist) brown breeches and his sister’s Ugg boots, staring at his class teacher.

‘A teacher,’ replies the witty teacher.

‘From which book?’

‘I dunno. Harry Potter?’

‘Which teacher from Harry Potter?’

‘You tell me.’

‘I can’t think of one that wears an Adidas tracksuit.’

‘That’s cos you’ve no imagination, lad. Who are you supposed to be anyway?’

‘Leo Tolstoy.’

‘Right. Course you are.’ Pause.’You need to get out more.’

I dream of being a £1 book. Alas, the closest I’ve got to it is being chosen as a Recommended Read.  It happened with Starring Sammie from the After School Club series and has happened this year with Do Goalkeepers Wear Tiaras? I’m not quite sure what being a Recommended Read means. I’m grateful and happy and over the moon to be chosen but does anyone know about them? The Recommended Reads are quite difficult to locate, even on the World Book Day website.  For those curious enough to try it go to:  www.worldbookday.com and click on the section listed as ’schools and children’ then click on ‘author details’ then click on the P on the alphabet at the top (ignoring all other letters) and there you’ll find me next to the legend who is Sir Terry Pratchett. You will then be able to open an extract from the book and read an interview about me. Do Goalkeepers Wear Tiaras? doesn’t seem to have any other worksheets or activities but maybe you have to be logged on or pay a tenner or something for that. Anyway, have a peep. What else are you going to do on a soggy afternoon?

Now, when you’ve got your WBD £1.00 book voucher, be sure to take it to that rare thing called a book shop.

bookshops look like this

You can check out the Waterstone’s website to find out where I’ll be on Saturday March 6th if you want to not only spend your WBD voucher on one of my books but also to have it signed (absolutely free of charge) by me. I’ll be with Alan (Dirtie Bertie) MacDonald in the morning and all by myself (sob) in the afternoon.

(The answer is Nottingham  10.00 am - 12.00 noon then 1.30 - 3.00pm)

You should visit this bookshop too←. It’s in a village called Lowdham in Nottinghamshire and a very nice lady called Jane runs it.  Tell her I sent you.

a delivery of dictionaries...

Despite the internet, I still use books for my research. I have a shelf full of them above my desk. Here’s a condensed inventory:

First and foremost, there are my dictionaries. I have :

One Oxford Concise (split in half down the spine at ‘K’) - useful for everyday spelling and meanings of words

One Penguin Rhyming Dictionary - for those vital times when I need to rhyme ‘theorize’ with ‘rubberize’.

One Dictionary of Saints (Oxford) - last used when deciding what to call my girls’ school in Gemma’s story. Would it be St Catherine (patron saint of schoolgirls) St Jude (desperate cases) or St Brigid (dairymaids)? Watch this space.

One Roget’s Thesaurus - battered

One Usage and Abusage by Eric Partridge (used and abused)

One Yorkshire Dictionary, by ‘eck

One Bryson’s Dictionary (new - bought it in the Borders fire sale in December)

One Baby Names around the World (Lansky) - brilliant for choosing characters’ first names

One Guinness Book of Names ( ditto above for surnames, pet names, house names) Now out of print.

One Slang Thesaurus - for my teen books

One Concise English Dictionary by Dr Charles Annandale, M.A., LL.D. This, like me, is a precious thing. It is not just any old dictionary, it is a ‘literary, scientific and technical dictionary’ with ‘pronouncing lists of proper names and of foreign words and phrases - key to names in mythology and fiction - and other valuable appendices - with sixteen plates printed in colour.’ So there.

One Brewer’s Dictionary of Names - bought using vouchers given to me as a leaving present from when I taught at Southwell Minster School (same school Gavin from Gavin and Stacey went to as well as Paul Franks, Notts CC cricketer).

The Local Historian’s Glossary of Words and Terms - useful for if ever I want to become  a local historian.

Are you impressed? I am. Not so much because of the books but because of the shelf holding up the books. Well done that bracket!

I have just spent a fantastic hour and a half as a ‘hot seat’ guest emailing responses to children’s questions on a forum called SupergroupsPlus. The forum is a British Council funded web chat for kids all over the world. The one I did was part of the Chatterbooks group and I ‘talked’ to kids from as far and wide as Staffordshire, Glasgow, Stockport and Cairo - all in one go. How brilliant is that?  I had over 200 questions fired at me - phew!

I think this is where the internet comes into its own. Connecting children from so many different backgrounds and cultures can only be a good thing. And great fun too. Thanks to Ben and Corrine the organisers for inviting me and to all the teachers and children who took part - even the Man United supporters!

My winter hibernation is almost at an end - what a pity winter isn’t! As March beckons I have to start getting organized because I have so many school visits and events on the horizon.

Here’s my ‘to do’ list:

The car needs sorting (strange rattling sound under the bonnet).

Suitcase needs bringing down from the attic and dusted.

Helena needs bringing down from the attic and dusted.

Clothes need ironing (the old baggy fleece and pilled leggings I wear to write in just won’t do for assemblies).

Route planners need downloading (although I will still get lost half a mile from every school, for sure).

Schools need ringing to remind them I’m coming.

Twiglets need buying (don’t ask).

Brain needs cranking up.

Smile needs switching on and … yes. We’re good to go…

See you soon, I hope!

Never Ever

I had a splendid e-mail from a girl called Lauren yesterday.  She’d just finished reading my teen book ‘Never Ever’ and wrote:

‘I wanted it to last longer. I love that book. I enjoyed it more than Twilight.’

What an accolade. My Erin and Liam better than Bella and Edward. Yes!

Actually, I love Never Ever, too. I haven’t thought about the story for a long time (I wrote it in 2000) but Lauren’s questions - she wanted to know what happened to the two protagonists at the end of my book - prompted me to get it down from my shelf and gaze at it in a fond way for a bit.

Never Ever was the first time I’d written a dual-narrative book, where the characters take it in turns to tell their story. Both Erin and Liam had a lot to say for themselves and both were real, warm and funny.  Erin, the middle-class girl forced by family circumstances to readjust to life on a council estate and Liam, the boy who lives opposite and thinks he’s God’s gift to women. Some might call it chick-lit.  Lauren called it better than Twilight. Either way, whenever I read the opening page to a class of Yr8 or 9s, the boys gag and the girls crack up on the floor laughing, after which they form a disorderly queue and hand over £5.99. I think you should too. It would be rude not to.

The Kindle, 1950s style

Here’s a little song for you on this grey winter’s day. Please sing loudly to the chorus from The Hippopotamus Song.’  You know the one… It  goes: Mud, Mud, glorious mud…

Books, books, glorious books

Nothing quite like them for feeding our nuts

So follow me, follow,

To a library tomorrow

Where we can borrow

Some glorious books!

Yes, I will keep taking the tablets…

The Hippopotamus Song by Michael Flanders (1922 -1975) taken from The Nation’s Favourite Comic Poems (BBC)

In case you can’t read the text on Posy Simmonds’ clever cartoon, the little girl is bringing her fellow train passengers up to speed with her Harry Potter book:  ‘… but see, they aren’t really them…they’ve just changed into them, cos they took the magic Polyjuice potion… so Harry becomes Crabbe, Ron becomes Goyle and then…’

sketch from Posy Simmonds’ A Literary Life’ ©Posy Simmonds 2003

The joke is that  the passengers look as if they want to wring the precocious girl’s neck but my first thought was ‘if only ‘. The kids I see on trains are more likely to be kicking the hell out of the seat in front of them or whingeing that they’re bored. The few I do see absorbed in something are usually holding a Nintendo DS or similar gadget. I actually can’t remember the last time I saw a child reading a book on a train.  How sad is that?

I have nothing against Nintendo, Playstation, X-box etc. These things are great. They’re valid, exciting forms of entertainment that I accept are as much a part of today’s childhood as Sindy dolls and Johnny 7s were to mine. But Sindy dolls and Johnny 7s (a huge replica gun with which you could do politically incorrect things like pretend to kill people without being told off) didn’t replace books when I was 9 or 10. They were something you played with when you weren’t reading.

It sometimes feels as if the digital age is determined to undermine anything paper based. Books with pages and covers and all them long words - woah, they’re so last season, dude.  Why else would Borders bookshops, alongside hundreds of independent small bookshops, have gone into liquidation recently?  Why else would the chartered librarian be the first member of staff to be made redundant when cuts are called for in larger schools?*  Why else would town and city libraries have spent thousands of pounds on sweeping away acre after acre of bookshelves to make way for computer suites and coffee bars?  The message is: if it doesn’t flash and ping and have ‘apps’ and start with a little i then it’s too uncool for school.

Only books aren’t uncool. They’re really not.  And for every school head who gets rid of a librarian and every town that loses a bookshop and every library that tries to ‘keep up with trends’ I say: STOP IT YOU MYOPIC MUPPETS!!

What? You genuinely are that myopic and want evidence that limiting access to books is damaging?  OK, buster, I’ll give you evidence.

A recent survey carried out by the Sutton Trust has found that young children who are read to daily and taken to libraries more regularly are more advanced in their language skills than those who are not.  Note it says read to. Not plonked in front of the telly. Not given a handset. Read to. From books. Big books, little books, picture books and pop-up books. Fact and fiction and any-and-all-books.  Books found when the children are taken to libraries.  Not taken to libraries to sit at computers BTW. Taken to libraries to choose books to take home to read. It’s not exactly rocket science is it?  And there’s no excuse for parents who say they can’t afford it. Books are  FREE to borrow. F.R.E.E. They cost nowt - nada - zero euro. Yes, nothing - even if little Loretta loses them or puts them in the washing machine/tumble drier/microwave by mistake. Some libraries lend up to 12 in one hit.

As for parents who ‘don’t have time’ to read to their kids. Well make time!  Find it! Half an hour a night  isn’t beyond anyone, especially when you think of the pay-back you’ll get. For: ‘more advanced language skills’ read: ‘a child better at communicating with other children and less likely to go off the rails and demand your attention for all the wrong reasons.’ For: ‘more advanced language skills’ read: ‘better job prospects’ For: ‘more advanced language skills’ read: ‘informed, rounded, interesting person.’

Why am I even writing this?  I don’t need to convince you, do I? You guys already read. You know what it feels like when you go into a library or a bookshop and your heart starts singing. You know how you get goosebumps when you read an opening page that draws you in and you think ‘this is going to be good…’ You know how a well written story stays with you forever. You know that and more.

All we can do is spread the word and pass those feelings on. Well, what are you waiting for?  Go show someone a copy of Are All Brothers Foul and tell them how wonderful it is. You know it makes sense.

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*for more information on the drive to make libraries statutory in all secondary schools go to Alan Gibbons’ blog about the CAMPAIGN FOR THE BOOK (www.alangibbons.co.uk)

madalla

ribbon development

I went to a really inspiring exhibition at Rufford Abbey in Nottinghamshire on Friday (12th Feb). The exhibition was the end result of a project involving various secondary schools who were asked to explore ideas about what their ideal new school would be like.

At the entrance was this colourful wall of ribbons (left), an interactive response to the question ‘How does/did school make you feel?  Visitors were invited to cut a piece of ribbon, the colour of which closely described their school experience. I chose the yellowy gold for ‘happy’ and threaded my piece alongside several indifferent blues, quite a few greens for ‘anxious’ and a handful of reds for angry. What a simple idea though - every classroom should have one!

The section I was most impressed with was from the Grove Learning Centre. This is a facility for kids who, like my character Jenny-Jane who I recently blogged about,  struggle in mainstream school and require additional support with their emotional and social needs. The Grove group were lucky enough to be working with musician and poet Dave ‘Stickman’ Higgins. He engaged them in all sorts of creative activities. I particularly liked the wall hanging of a madalla (meant to be below but embedded itself above!). The idea of the madalla comes from the African 7 Principles of Man. They are nutrition, religion, spirituality, language, arts, work and family. I presume the thinking behind the principles are that if a person has the right balance between them all, they will achieve harmony.

The Grove’s madalla was a join piece of art in which the whole group participated. I’m guessing that for some of them to work co-operatively was a massive achievement in itself. To create something so beautiful in addition is fantastic. I’d have that in the main entrance to my new school, no problems. There were also some very moving poems, sculptures, a film, photographs and a recreation of a ‘Bloom Room.’ The Bloom Room was a neat idea. A cosy area with bright, colourful sofas and chairs, cushions and rugs the kids sat round to talk through their ideas, it brought home how important the right environment is for learning.  People thrive in safe, comfortable places. Why, then, do some schools feel so soulless and even hostile when you enter them?

In their book ‘Our thoughts are bees: writers working with schools’ by Coe & Sprackland there is a wonderful quotation that goes: ‘When children and writers come together a kind of magic happens.’ If  anyone wants evidence of that, go to Rufford Abbey this month.

going down the Town

It has reached that part of the season where teams are desperate to do one of three things:

1. gain automatic promotion (in League 1, this looks like Norwich City and Leeds United at the moment)

2. secure a place in the next four spots (positions 3-6) to gain a place in the play-offs.

(Charlton, Colchester, Swindon and Millwall but with Huddersfield Town in 7th position only 2 points behind Millwall)

3. avoid relegation (in League 1, Stockport with only 16 points, look certain for the drop)

So our tie was 7th vs 5th position with Swindon on a roll (4-0 win mid week) and Town faltering slightly after two draws on a trot.

We weren’t super-confident. As usual with Town, though, they were full of surprises, taking the lead after five minutes! It was a great goal. Roberts took the corner; it was cleared to the dead ball line then picked up by skipper Peter Clarke who held on to it, dribbling it skilfully along the touchline. Then, instead of passing he somehow managed to score from a really tight angle. One-nil up!  Sadly, two minutes later Swindon equalised. Even more sadly, they scored again in the 28th minute (woeful defending).  In between had been the type of play that sends me into a stupor - boring up-in-the-air stuff. So, we were down at half-time as anticipated.

At half time there were the usual shenanigans. The cheerleaders did their dance to an indifferent crowd. Some geezer who used to be in Hollyoaks read out the winner of the prize draw and went home again. Four blokes from the crowd (always blokes - women have more sense) tried to score a goal by slotting the ball through target with a hole (think upended miniataure trampoline. It looks easy - isn’t). One guy actually scored, much to the chagrin of the MD who said he’s now have to find a prize. The man in front of me poured hot chocolate from a flask. The girl to my right continued to text as she had done throughout the first half. Meanwhile in the dressing room, Town manager Lee Clarke must have been saying something inspirational because in the second half we were up and at ‘em.  Play was sprightly and energised. On 50 minutes Anthony Kay scored with a header, again from a corner kick. Woah! Go Town.  Forget the draw - we wanted three points.  We would have had them as well if the Swindon Goalie David Lucas hadn’t been so good at his job, dammit.

So it ended 2-2 but we went home happy. Carlisle on Tuesday. Hmmm…

from an exhibition at Rufford Abbey

Survivor

Everyday,

I think about dying.

About disease, starvation,

violence, terrorism, war,

the end of the world.

It helps keep my mind off things

© Roger McGough from The Nation’s Favourite Comic Poems (BBC)